SLRC in the News
28 February 2002

A Man With Too Much Time On His Hands

An interview with local Southern heritage activist "Tag-team Parenting Becoming More Popular"
By Barbara Hootman

ASHEVILLE, NC -- "Everybody's circumstances are different," Monroe Gilmour, a stay-at-home dad for the past 15 years, said.

Monroe and (XXXX) Gilmour have been married for 21 years.

"We considered the skills she had and those that I had," he said. "It simply made sense for us to do this.  We got married while we were working in Africa.  During the first six years of our marriage, I had the full-time job.  (XXXX) decided to get her degree in nursing.  While at the University of Tennessee, she delivered David three weeks before her final tests."

Monroe pursued his community organizer profession with Grass Roots organizations while pulling duty as a stay at home dad.

"Many stay-at home dads share parenting with their wives," Gilmour said.

"Sometimes there is work that can be done at home like in my situation.

Others work outside the home and coordinate parenting efforts with their wives.  I've taken my children to public meetings - wherever I needed to be."

Monroe laughs remembering his son David writing in his journal "My dad has a job, but I don't know what it is" when he was in the first grade.

Gilmour never felt like an outsider in groups of mothers.

"I never felt like an outsider when I was in a group of mothers," he said.

"Sometimes it would reach a discussion level where I just knew I didn't need to be there.  Society defines you by what you do.  I do remember feeling uncomfortable some times.  When asked, 'what do you do?'  I would answer that I was a Mister Mom."

In the Gilmour family, both parents agree it has been a coordinated effort to raise the children.

"This is such a better arrangement than where neither parent is at home," (XXXX) Gilmour said.  "If I had had a choice, I had rather have been home with my kids, but this made sense for our family.  It has been an organizational feat at times.  If it fits for a family, its great for the children to have one parent to be with them."

"I recognized from the start that I'm not a real full time mom," Gilmour said.  "(XXXX) is the primary care taker."

Gilmour sums up his feelings.

"It really isn't a great freedom when the children are all in school," he said. "My tenure is about over now that (XXXX) is in kindergarten.  I miss her already.  This type of parenting gives the one saying at home a reason to be a child again and experience the world as children do.  You get to feel the excitement of discovery all over again.  I miss that already.  We just wouldn't have had it any other way."

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